Pain of being single leads to Peace in the the Process

By Adina Chrysler

No one warned me about the struggle – it’s kind of taboo, because admitting to the difficulty means acknowledging the void, the ache in one’s heart. The failed expectations, the dashed hopes and dreams. The gripping loneliness, even while surrounded by loved ones. The pain of being single. It means admitting I can’t be alone.

I felt tired of the waiting, of feeling out of control, of wanting so deeply that which is normal and natural yet so out of reach. Tired of the loneliness and desperation and fear about the future. The seemingly fruitless pursuit, the disappointment, the ongoing frustration. I found myself grasping, on a chase, like a hamster on a wheel. Hashem I need more. Every woman has a dream and mine was no different. We are not made to be single. We are created as half of a whole with a deep desire to be rooted, grounded, a part of something bigger. Some have been in it longer some shorter, but ultimately the challenge remains the same. The struggle is real. There is a void yearning to be filled.

Burnt out, drained, I found myself searching for answers. They talk about the ‘why’. Why we experience hardship, why bad things happen to good people, but I was looking for ‘how’. How do I channel myself to feel truly at peace in a place where I am still yearning? It only takes one, it’s just a matter of time. How do I believe the things I already know? My circumstances remain the same but how do I change how I cope with them? How do I feel whole when I am really only half? The questioning brought me to a place of learning how to find total peace and contentment within the process, and nothing has changed except myself.

What I thought was just a phase, I am realising to be a painful yet rewarding journey. Contrary to what many believe, struggle and growth are no contradiction. Experiencing pain does not signify weakness. Yearning does not mean I have failed. The true test is one of faith, of letting go and falling back into trust. Understanding what it really means to believe ‘it’s just a matter of time’. To ingrain in every part of my being the understanding that if I’m not married now, I am not supposed to be married now. I surrender to G-d’s calendar. There is a power greater than me with a plan greater than mine. Hashem can redeem me at any moment, but in the meantime I let go of resistance and lean in to what’s now, and now, and now.

There will be pain, but ultimately when I am fully aligned with what Hashem wishes for me, that’s all it is. Painful. I eliminate the fear. The anguish, turmoil and despair melt away. The trials and tribulations are no reflection on my essence, they’re just a part of my journey, not a failure but a redirection. In place of harshness lies only sorrow for the void that is longing to be filled together with newfound patience, compassion and an overwhelm of self-love. What is left is a yearning for my other half merged with a crystal clear clarity that where I am is right. A sense of pure serenity and calm in knowing that here is exactly where I need to be in order to embrace the unique mission I was brought to this lifetime to fulfil.

Happiness has required coming to terms with sadness. In surrendering to the masterplan I retain the hope while mourning the dream, a precarious balance. I grieve for the place I wish to be. Bridging the vast divide between expectation and reality, I am learning to let go of disappointment. I am no longer chasing what isn’t, in order to be able to accept what is. In making a decision not to allow my external circumstances to affect my emotions, in trusting the salvation will come when He decides, I am continuously choosing the pathway to inner peace.

On my quest to enlighten others to the gems of wisdom I have discovered, I was introduced to Chana. Across the world, Chana was seeking help following a challenging time and decided to take action by creating a support group. It sparked within her a deeper desire to give more. Transcending from a place of darkness into light, together we created Peace in the Process–a transformational four-week program providing the tools that cultivate this Emunah mindset.

Sometimes we face stumbling blocks that hold us back from moving forward. We need to sit with the pain, drop the judgements, transform our beliefs to be able to really soar. Our course offers you the opportunity to discover that which is weighing you down, enabling you to cut out the background noise and fully embrace where you are. We aspire to guide you on your own journeys of finding peace and tranquility during this phase of life, helping you to gain clarity in your circumstance, learn to be truly ok in the moment and essentially open channels for blessing. The waiting days are over. Let’s get off the wheel and surrender into trust, into a place of simply being. For we don’t chase happiness, we create it.

For more information visit peaceintheprocess.com. You can contact Adina and Chana or enquire about the next course by emailing peaceintheprocess7@gmail.com.


Born in South Africa, Adina Chrysler is an aspiring designer, copywriter and transformational life coach in training. She is passionate about seizing the moments of each day. As a warm-spirited individual she naturally enjoys connecting with others, and when she’s not problem solving or busying herself with creative pursuits you can find her on the yoga mat devoting time to learning the art of true surrender. She possesses a particular affinity for the rich culture and beautiful landscapes of Italy, and it’s never a real holiday if she hasn’t been horseback riding. Adina currently resides with her family in Manchester, England.

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